Make it hapen.

KARKAT: DAVE, I HAVE TO CONFESS SOMETHING.
DAVE: alright shoot
KARKAT: I KINDA...
DAVE: what
KARKAT: WELL I SHOULD PROBABLY START OFF BY CONFESSING THIS TO YOU FIRST.
KARKAT: YOU'RE THE ONE PERSON I CAN TOLERATE BEING AROUND WITHOUT WISHING MY BRAIN WAS ALL OVER THE FLOOR INSTEAD OF BETWEEN THE TWO EARS THAT CONSTANTLY REMIND ME OF THE EXTENT OF UTTER FUCKING STUPIDITY THAT IS SOMEHOW POSSIBLE.
KARKAT: AND WELL...
KARKAT: I THINK OF YOU AS MY BOYFRIEND.
DAVE: oh wait shit you do
DAVE: damn
DAVE: i guess that explains all the time we spent cuddling and shit together on the meteor
KARKAT: SHUT UP.
KARKAT: MY POINT IS THAT I'M TELLING YOU THIS SOLELY BECAUSE I LIKE WHAT WE HAVE GOING AND I DON'T WANT SOME STUPID SECRETS TO GET IN THE WAY OF THINGS LIKE SOME GODDAMN AMATEUR.
KARKAT: ...FUCK, THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WITHOUT COMING OFF AS A GARGANTUAN ASSHOLE.
KARKAT: I...
DAVE: ...
KARKAT: I STILL HAVE A CRUSH ON JADE.
DAVE: oh my fucking god karkat
KARKAT: FUCK I'M SO SORRY YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND AND I WANT YOU TO BE THE ONLY ONE THAT--
DAVE: i do too
KARKAT: ...WHAT THE FUCK?
DAVE: dude we should totally ask her out
DAVE: like
DAVE: together
KARKAT: DID ANYTHING AT ALL FROM THE MOUNTAINOUS STACKS OF ALTERNIAN ROMANCE NOVELS THAT WE READ GET THROUGH YOUR FUCKING SKULL? THE CHANCES OF THAT WORKING OUT IN ANY TIMELINE IN A MILLION SWEEPS ARE SO SLIM THAT THE MAYOR WILL GO ON A MURDEROUS RAMPAGE BEFORE THAT HAPPENS.
DAVE: come on that is so far from true
DAVE: the mayor is literally everyones friend
DAVE: and i really think those dumb romance novels only serve to make you closemindedly follow a strict set of boring rules on who to be lovedating or hatedating or whatever at what time
DAVE: this wouldnt be some stupid thing where wed be jealous of who gets more time with who and all that bullshit
DAVE: we would just literally be all together all the time no need to vacillate between loving each other and wanting to kill each other
DAVE: if you were jade how would you not like to have the two hottest dudes in paradox space to be your boyfriends simultaneously
DAVE: we both think that shes cute as hell
DAVE: and as far as i can tell thats like her fucking wet dream
DAVE: i cant think of one thing that would suck about this honestly
KARKAT: CAN YOU JUST PLEASE NOT TELL ANYONE I SAID THIS?
KARKAT: THAT WOULD BE SO FUCKING EMBARRASSING YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
DAVE: no man were gonna go tell jade right now we need to make this hapen
KARKAT: NO. FUCK NO. THERE IS NO WAY THAT IS HAPPENING.
DAVE: where doing this man
KARKAT: WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH YOUR SMUG REFERENCES TO YOUR SHITTY COMIC? THIS IS ACTUALLY SERIOUS.
DAVE: yes its very serious which is why it needs to happen asap
DAVE: look jades right over there lets do this
KARKAT: LET GO OF ME YOU FUCKING SHITSMEAR!
DAVE: youre literally embarrassing yourself by trying to not embarrass yourself

JADE: hi guys!!
DAVE: hey jade
DAVE: karkat has something to say to you
KARKAT: LIKE FUCK I DO! GOD DAMMIT DAVE, DOES ANYTHING I EVER SAY GET THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL? I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT BECAUSE APPARENTLY YOU NEED ONE: IT FUCKING DOESN'T.
DAVE: hahahaha omfg
JADE: um...
DAVE: that went down basically exactly how i expected it to and yet im still astounded by how bad karkat is at this sort of thing
JADE: ...
JADE: i have no idea what you two are talking about..
JADE: should i be involved?
DAVE: basically we both have huge crushes on you and i think we should totally be dating
KARKAT: FUCK.
JADE: ...oh, wow
JADE: um...
JADE: youre really putting me on the spot here!!!!
KARKAT: DON'T LISTEN TO DAVE GOD DAMMIT, HE HAS A WORSE IDEA OF HOW DATING WORKS THAN A LITERAL STEAMING PILE OF SHIT.
JADE: i wouldnt say that!!!
JADE: its just.....
JADE: this is really sudden and a really big deal and im not sure exactly how to react!!
DAVE: see karkat shes all flustered and shit she totally digs us
JADE: dave youre not making this any better!
JADE: .......
JADE: i do think youre both really adorable!!!!
JADE: and....
JADE: gosh i dont know
JADE: this is a lot to think about!!! :o
DAVE: jade
DAVE: think about it
DAVE: youd be getting two legendary boyfriends for the price of one
KARKAT: DAVE WILL YOU *PLEASE* SHUT THE FUCK UP?
KARKAT: GOD, YOU'RE THE MOST FUCKING EMBARRASSING PERSON TO BE WITH.
KARKAT: YOU'RE JUST THROWING EVERYTHING AT HER AT ONCE, AND YOU AREN'T EVEN PAYING ATTENTION TO HOW OVERWHELMED SHE'S GETTING FROM ALL OF THIS.
KARKAT: AND YOU BARELY EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT THIS BEFOREHAND! YOU JUST JUMPED RIGHT IN WITHOUT TAKING A SINGLE FUCKING SECOND OF YOUR TIME TO THINK ABOUT ANY OF IT.
KARKAT: YOU'RE TREATING THIS ENTIRE THING LIKE IT'S NOTHING AT ALL JUST TO MAINTAIN YOUR FUCKING "IRONIC COOLKID" FACADE.
KARKAT: I DON'T EVEN THINK YOU HAVE THE CAPACITY TO DO ANY THINKING ON YOUR OWN.
KARKAT: YOU NEED ME SO THAT I CAN DO ALL THE THINKING FOR YOU.
KARKAT: AND LUCKY FOR YOU, THAT HAPPENS TO WORK OUT.
JADE: will you guys stop fighting for a second so we can actually talk about this?
JADE: i dont want this to turn into something thatll tear you two apart!
JADE: and it seems like karkat isnt even really comfortable with the idea yet!
KARKAT: HONESTLY I DIDN'T EVEN THINK IT WOULD EVEN BE POSSIBLE, ESPECIALLY AFTER FUCKING UP THE CONVERSATION THIS BADLY. YET SOMEHOW WE'RE STILL HERE.
KARKAT: BUT NOW YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THIS ABSURD SHIT THAT CAME FROM DAVE'S MOUTH AS IF IT'S SOMETHING WITH A REMOTE POSSIBILITY OF HAPPENING.
JADE: i dont want to rule it out!!!!!
JADE: but its not helping that youre distracting from it with all your arguing!
JADE: i don't like seeing you two fighting with each other, because you make a really cute couple and you deserve to be happy with each other!!!
DAVE: see youre totally on our side though
DAVE: ultimately were asking you out so that we can all be happy together
DAVE: like a win win win situation
DAVE: me and karkat had a great time on the meteor together but the entire time i also missed being able to hang out with you and john and wondered how you guys were doing
DAVE: as soon as i found out that john died on the ship and you spent those 3 years alone i felt fucking terrible for you
DAVE: and obviously about john also
DAVE: but then i realized that i cant stand seeing you lonely or hurt
DAVE: so in the same way you want us to be happy together i want you to be happy
DAVE: im not saying that the best solution is to date the two of us but we both really care for you
DAVE: really its whatever makes you happiest
DAVE: but over those three years ive learned that the best thing for your own happiness is being around people who care about you
DAVE: i dont want you to keep being left out on things
DAVE: especially something as big as this
DAVE: i dunno
DAVE: maybe its a bit selfish to want to be with both karkat and you at the same time
DAVE: maybe im an asshole for thinking of this as a romantic thing instead of just being good friends
DAVE: and im definitely taking things way too quickly
DAVE: but i really think thats because of how much i care about you jade
DAVE: and yeah karkat is arguing about it but thats like his thing
DAVE: and i feel like hes saying all this shit because he doesnt want to complicate your life with this stuff
DAVE: which ultimately i think hes only uncomfortable about the idea because he loves you in a genuine caring kinda way rather than just based on your looks or whatever
DAVE: and thats really the essence of a healthy relationship
DAVE: which is the entire reason i want this to happen
JADE: awwwwwwww, thanks dave!!!! :B
JADE: i really missed you guys too over those 3 years :(
JADE: it was really terrible without having any people to talk to or hang out with
JADE: and the consorts were the closest thing i had...
JADE: it was so lonely
JADE: and to be honest i still feel pretty lonely
JADE: even though johns back now and were all together
JADE: its just...
JADE: those 3 years were a bit too much!!! :(
JADE: and i dont know
JADE: everythings been so terrible that im not really used to this sort of thing anymore :/
JADE: do you guys really feel that way about me?
JADE: karkat?
KARKAT: ...
DAVE: i think we broke karkat
KARKAT: ...
DAVE: karkat its extremely obvious that youre blushing like hell
DAVE: like are you even trying
JADE: karkat if you dont want to talk about this now thats not a big deal, really!!
JADE: we can talk about it later if you need some time to process everything!
KARKAT: NO, IT'S JUST
KARKAT: GOD
KARKAT: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY CONSIDERING SAYING THIS.
KARKAT: I...
DAVE: ok yeah karkats just terrible at anything involving his own feelings so ill cover for him
DAVE: fuck im fucking karkat and i fucking love you fucking both fuck
KARKAT: DAMMIT DAVE YOU'RE RUINING THE MOMENT.
DAVE: did you really expect better from me when you decided to date me
KARKAT: TOUCHE.
KARKAT: ANYWAY
KARKAT: FUCKING HELL
KARKAT: HERE GOES:
KARKAT: ...
KARKAT: I LOVE YOU TWO MORE THAN ANYTHING.
JADE: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa oh my god :D
DAVE: nice
KARKAT: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, DID I ACTUALLY JUST FUCKING SAY THAT???
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK?
KARKAT: THERE IS SIMPLY NO LIMIT TO THE STUPIDITY OF PAST ME, EVEN IF PAST ME IS LITERALLY JUST ME TWENTY SECONDS AGO.
JADE: shoooooshhhh
JADE: hugs now, self hatred later!
JADE: come here you two
KARKAT: ...
KARKAT: <3
DAVE: <3
JADE: you guys are too adorable <3